Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
