Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
