Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
