When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
