girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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