i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
what day is it and did you see me today?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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