At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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