thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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