How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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