If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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