just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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