Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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