Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Damn victory sex feels great
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
