I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Randomize
