U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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