if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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