i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
