i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Randomize
