she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
