Where is the hickey?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
