and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The ass gains better be worth it
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