Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
