I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
