i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
