Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
