Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
