He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Drunk is not a location!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
