the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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