Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
