PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
