im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
