break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
