im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
