He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
