how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
