i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
