I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
