Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
