dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
