Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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