the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
