I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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