For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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