I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
