The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
