I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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