drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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