What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
