so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
