I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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