Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
