this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
